girl xiii

Huwag maingay, may nag-iisip.

Elusive 4am is 23 year old little lles’ collection of muddled thoughts. Or: an attempt to become less reclusive. So please, keep reading.

& I guess, the proper introduction, should begin with acknowledgement: thank you for being here. The way I understand introductions has morphed and changed over the years. When I was  younger, I was shy about my name; it sounded — and still does, actually — like it should belong to someone who knows what to do with it. It is a serious, female name, the sound of which reminds me of flowers. Except, I was never fond of flowers. So I hardly used it, except on the necessary papers. & even now, it still sounds new, in need of breaking in.

I’m twenty-two years old. & I’ll tell you what that means: fifteen years lonely, ten years of looking for something better to do, four years of tertiary education.

I like to think of myself as a kind person but, often, my anger gets the best of me. & I accept that. I apologize just as easily as I lose control, and I am always sincere. There’s a lot to be said about the ways I try and fail.

Usually, I post either multiple times a day or once every two weeks. I like to read poetry but I confess I read only for my own pleasure. I can discuss it to an extent, but I’m far from an expert. The same goes for fiction — although I love fiction. I love stories. I love stories. I love stories. I also believe that there’s magic (or some special force) behind the number three (so I’m fond of saying things thrice in quick succession).

Update 25 February 2013: Recently owned up to several fears (lost friends, steep cliffs, paper cuts, never seeing you again, the thought of dying before I accomplish anything, crappy rants passed off as nonfiction, a wasted year) but resolved to try despite the fear (let me write that collection I wanted, that novel, that children’s story) because, most of all, I fear–not failure–but cowardice. Let me be this brave despite the mistakes, the missed chances, the badly-written stories.  

Update 09 May 2013: Recently decided to move because I cannot maintain two homes at once and blogger has a simpler, less cluttered writing space. This doesn’t mean I won’t return. Life is a cycle.