a running list of regrettable truths

. . .  and thinly veiled insecurities. I figured, it’s time to take an accounting of (and be accountable for) the little things I’m ashamed of or surprised to discover, about myself.

  1. I sing in the shower, before I go to sleep, in car rides, during class, in my head, pretty much all the time. I wanted to be a singer before anything else.
  2. A serious dream: to become a pandesal expert. I kid you not, and don’t snicker. I believe that talking about pandesal as material culture is a worthy point of entry into scholarly research.
  3. I get mad really, really, really quickly. But I apologize for it just as easily.
  4. I am very easily distracted (in fact, I’m going back to studying Philosophy).
  5. I had a huge girl-crush on Orlando Bloom. It lasted at least a year. All my notebooks were green and I googled pictures of him. There, I admitted it.
  6. I still want to be a vampire.
  7. I swear 150% more times when I’m drunk.
  8. So much Guilt: not good enough as an officer, not smart enough as a thesis-mate, not well-informed enough as a writer, too fucking sleepy, head in the clouds, too fucking noisy with my hands in the air and my mouth open.
  9. I’m sad at least five times a day, everyday.
  10. Thinks about you. Everyday.
  11. Wrote my name with his apelyido and felt no remorse, no sense of guilt, no shame. I dotted the “i” with a star and embellished the name with hearts. Still, shameless.
  12. I think being lost is better than ending up somewhere you don’t want to be.
  13. Lonely (but getting stronger and stranger)
  14. Anxious and insecure about writing, loving, and politics (of any kind).
  15. I believe in magic, fanfiction, and the will to live.
  16. Afraid of being alone in  a room when my back is turned against the door. I think I’m afraid of being surprised by something ungainly, standing tall on four legs or paws, grinning down at me.
  17. Must write. Will write. Everyday.
  18. Holding down two part time jobs (one as a training assistant, one as a ghost writer/editorial assistant) and one full-time, home-based job (as an editorial assistant/reader).
  19. Not very brave.
  20. Isn’t afraid to lose and be lost.
  21. Abuses social networking sites including Twitter, which she (surprisingly) enjoys. Favors her tumblr best.
  22. Gandalf remains my favorite Lord of the Rings character. Eomer is a close second. Boromir and Faramir tie third place.
  23. Has trouble sleeping.
  24. Has rabid tattoo-centric dreams. Once, I had a dream that a friend of mine had a .gif dragon tattooed on her chest. Yes, it moved. And yes, I was jealous. In another, I had somehow acquired a set of tattoos on my thighs.
  25. Currently sporting three amazing tattoos (with another three tattoo designs pending)
  26. Watches Frasier on youtube, in bed.
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